my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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