He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
worst night to have a conscience
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Let's paint friendship bongs
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
