I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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