I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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