I am puke
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
