Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
BRING THE BAGELS
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
