So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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