Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
