his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
