Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wish you could order shots online.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
