Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize