Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
