god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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