My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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