after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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