tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
how does that bad decision feel?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
