Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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