I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
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Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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