high people should be assigned attendants
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
