i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
