Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
