have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I enjoy the company of your penis
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
