im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
