Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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