I hope mine doesn't look like that
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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