i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
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