when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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