i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
