BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
