I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
