We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
