would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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