So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
