saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
