my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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