Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
