Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
