Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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