im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
