Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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