You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
