Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
