Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
