I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
