She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
