he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
