Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
