Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
