So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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