i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she told me i tasted like america
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
