Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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