The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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