He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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