Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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