Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
