We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He? As in you personified your dick?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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