That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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