apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
