its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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