im drinking this country out of the recession.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I deserve this hangover.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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