Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
