he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My feet surprised me
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