she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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