Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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