The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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