Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
