its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
